I’m officially terrified.

No one reason in particular. Negative funds in the bank, huge bills coming due, missing payment for my last project. Rent coming up, stupid dogs that need stupid food. The car died on a lonely mountain road and, although it started back up, something expensive is probably wrong. You know, whatever.

I’m also officially frustrated.

I’m no statistician, but 2 interviews for 45 job applications seems like a poor rate of return. Also, the people positioned to sublet the apartment couldn’t wait until the 1st so there goes another potential revenue stream. And can I get a temp job? NooOOooo. I may or may not have been black balled. An extreme suspicion, granted – but it also seems extreme that I can’t find one temp job in a 250 mile radius. You don’t qualify for unemployment when you QUIT, zero bites on furniture listed for sale, I’d sell my books (some of them) and DVD’s except that I don’t want to waste gas driving to the bookstore and, as it turns out, I’m too old to donate an egg. Which I’ve heard is painful, anyway. Anyone want a kidney? Oh, and yet another inappropriate man asked me out because somehow my defeated “it-can’t-get-any-worse” aura is getting perverted in translation to give these guys false hope. At least this one wasn’t already in some kind of relationship. Presumably. Let’s totally demoralize Jen – open season, woohoo! Who needs to relax knowing that something, just one little thing in life is going to work out? Not this kitten! BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM…*thud.

Clearly, I’m not doing whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing. I would dearly love to know whatever that elusive thing is.

Yay, adventure!

Q – Jen, didn’t it occur to you that every single thing that could possibly go wrong might actually go wrong?

A – I was rather counting on it, but was really only limited by my imagination on that score. This one job not leading to others definitely occured to me. What did not occur to me was that it would actually end after 7 days as opposed to the 30 quoted and that it would take eons to be paid. Because I specifically asked regarding both supremely important topics. I also didn’t anticipate spending half of what I earned on the kennel for the dogs only to instantly have to take one of them to the vet.

Next question.

Q-You did realize that the job market was rough…?

A-Indeed, but I decided to be an idiot anyway. Last time I was caught without a job, I was able to fill in with temp work. This time I’m struggling to find volunteer positions. Why don’t any of these wastrels that I’m competing against have JOBS?!

Q-Do you think it could get any worse?

A-There is supposed to be a hurricane this weekend…

Q-You need to try harder and work on your attitude.

A-I need a small victory to cling to. And you need to fully submerge your head in a toilet and flush.

This is all going to be hilarious in like a decade.

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