Swagger

Two guys just left for lunch. Manly men with swagger and deep voices who probably owned lots of tools and could fix stuff or do other things requiring testosterone. Like maybe build stuff.

Their conversation went something like this:

Guy 1 – “Yeah, yeah no.”

Guy 2 – “You don’t wanna..”

Guy 1 – “No, yeah if you could…”

Guy 2- “So, right out here?”

Guy 1- “Yeah.”

It’s raining really hard outside. It should let up soon, because – gosh. But these clouds have evidently been training for a marathon monsoon and today appears to be the day of reckoning. Can they keep it up. So far an insane amount of water dumpage has been sustained without a hint of the reserves running dry. This is what the boys appeared to have been discussing.

Here is a translation of this man-versation into English.

Guy 1 – “Gosh it’s raining really hard outside and I would rather prefer to not get wet.”

Guy 2- “Well then, my friend, I will go get the car and drive around to pick you up.”

Guy 1- “Perfect. I would say thank you except that I’m a man. A grunt will have to suffice.”

Guy 2 – “No worries. I am also a man and any show of manners would be an embarrassing display of domesticity. We are wild, untamed, feral.”

As guy 1 waited, I questioned his decision to not just share an umbrella and he laughed.

‘Someone might see!”

“So you’d rather get picked up, Princess?”

Yes, he would. He would go with pick-up rather than get wet any day. And then he went on about how someone might take a picture of two dudes sharing an umbrella and that would be the sort of thing that one would never live down.

The people-watching all day has been great. Most girls cluster under one umbrella squealing and running to get indoors with minimal soakage. Because it’s raining. This is what normal people do. They strive to get out of the rain as quickly as possible while staying as dry as possible.

ALL of the men have bowed their heads, put their hands in their pockets and seem to be walking slower than normal. Even the guys in white shirts. Those with umbrellas walk with their heads up, but still put their hands in their pockets and walk all slow.

Just now, a man walked practically backwards to get inside, morphing from reasonably dry to completely drenched in the space of fifty feet. I asked him why he didn’t just run. And why he was wearing sunglasses.

“Because I’m a man and an optimist.”

Fair enough.

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2 thoughts on “Swagger

  1. Another excellent post. You’re a machine. 🙂

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