Thwarted

My post ideas for today are all being thwarted by an inability to find suitable illustrations. Not one person on the planet seems to be proud enough of their cream-colored 1988 Buick Le Sabre landau roofed dream-machine to post a picture of it on the internet that I can swipe. Nor does New York and Company still have the ring that threatened to sever my finger displayed on their website. There must have been a recall.

The ring itself didn’t actually threaten to sever my finger. It’s inanimate. That would just be silly. Instead, I nearly severed my own finger trying to get the damn thing to fit. I have, to admit something terrible about myself, ridiculously long fingers. They just keep going and going and just when you think the finger is going to end, it keeps going a bit more. As such, I’m really enjoying the current huge ring trend. The baseball sized bauble’s currently in fashion manage to make my mitts look almost dainty. But only when I find a ring that fits.

My long fingers are also deceptively skinny, that or the jewelers of the world are lying about sizes trying to flatter (note, that only works on clothes. Women crave honesty in re rings and shoes). My ring fingers are a size 6 and change & I can usually buy a size 7 and get away with it if I keep my hand cupped to catch a rogue runaway. The ring not pictured is a size 7. I caught it mid-air (it was amazing, my reflexes should be studied by science) this morning while walking the dogs and again while executing an aggressive turn with the car. Clearly, this size 7 is really a size 8, maybe even a 9. I can slide it onto my thumb with no difficulty (getting it back off was a little tough…). They lied to me.

This particular ring is tying the whole ensemble together so not wearing it was not an option. In the little change catcher thingy in the car, I keep spare bobby pins, some earrings, scads of lip gloss and hair bands. If one is clever enough, one can wrap a rubber band hundreds of times around a ring and cram the newly tightened ring onto your finger. If one is very very clever, one can do this just enough times to make it fit, but not so very many times that your finger  goes all blue and begins to hurt while you’re driving down a narrow country lane inexplicably packed with other cars steered by innocents that don’t appreciate your erratic vehicle suddenly appearing in their lane.

Got it all sorted. The ring looks cute. My finger is no longer blue and there were no casualties.

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2 thoughts on “Thwarted

  1. Zeldon says:

    another use for duct tape

  2. Zeldon says:

    In historic times, chicks that were going steady in HS got to wear the guy’s monster class ring and they’d “resize” it with some fuzzy thread.

    I suspect you’re paying too much for your monster rings. Buy those cheap gaudy rings that fit any size because the band has elastic in it – Target!

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