This past weekend I did all of this (see website) with a disposable water-proof camera suspended from my elbow by a tourniquete/rubber band. I voluntarily chose to attach to my body something unforgivingly crunchy to land on and be slapped in the face by specifically so that the entire ordeal could be documented for the benefit of unbelievers. I know for a fact that I took an inordinate amount of awesome photographs that, if properly leveraged as blackmail against those pictured, could keep me in the money for decades.
Today at lunch, I was going to accomplish the following:
-Go to Wal-mart, approx .25 miles away and drop off the already developed film so that it could be made into a CD and thereby shared with the WORLD
-drive home, 2 more miles and get dragged around the block several times by the beasts
-eat a cookie for lunch and maybe also have a glass of wine as these are the only ingestibles currently in the house. (There might also be a potato.)
-drive back to the office (total of 3 miles, round-trip) and arrive prior to the hour ending, thereby being on time for once. Banner day.
It was going to be amazing.
Here’s what actually happened:
-Delicately eased my body, riddled with boo-boo’s and containing aches and pains within aches and pains up out of my chair and hobbled allllll the way down the hall, breathing like a woman suffering with labor pains. I then got into an elevator going up instead of down.
-Marched across an unending expanse of parking lot sweating under too many layers of clothing because I’m loathe to expose my bruised and scraped legs and arms to anyone who might be tempted to lecture me about how to get out of an abusive relationship.
-Drove to Wal-mart, walked with a short and jerky Frankenstein stride alllll the way to the back of the store where I was informed that to create a disk from pre-processed negatives would take 7-10 business days. Decided to take my busines elsewhere because that’s just ridiculous.
-Started to drive home. Hit every. single. red. light. Made it approximately one mile before losing my mind and pulling out of an ant-like stream of cars going God-knows-where into a strip mall that happened to contain a yummy delicious Lebanese restaurant. Frankenstein’ed myself inside and bought a huge falafel and an itty bitty sliver of baklava.
-drove back to office. Arrived within the hour. On time. Banner day.