While I was minding my own business, watching one of my favorite movies for the 326th time, the Nerd wandered in, took a strategic look around the room and then casually placed a large parcel wrapped in festive Christmas paper on the dining table.
“What is that?”
He shrugged and wandered back out again. Like it was normal to put tantalizing packages on the dining table or something.
I looked at the package. The package looked at me. I looked back at the package and felt my fingers curl in agonized suspense. Leaping up, I skipped across the floor to shake the box and check it for a tag. Nothing.
“Is this for me? What is it? Can I open it?” He ignored me so I stalked him out in the other room so he could shrug at me again.
“Not going to tell me? That’s cool. I can take it.” His face registered profound levels of doubt and I stomped back into the living room, bit my fist and didn’t look at the package tickling at my peripheral vision.
“You’re killing me!” I heard him giggle, but got no other sign of life. Several decades later he sauntered back in, turned the package around several times, held a gift-tag over one corner and then another before finally determining upon the perfect spot, painstakingly attached it just so, turned the package around several more times before leaving the room again.
Two could play at this game. I sat there for what felt like forever, disinterested poise embodied, my legs tingling in annoyance while he made noise in the kitchen, opened a soda and leaned on the kitchen counter watching me not look at the box.
“This is a social experiment of sorts.”
“To see how long I can stand it before getting up?”
He was still in the process of answering “yes” when I launched myself through the air towards the dining table. Gratifyingly, the tag said “Jen OPEN ME NOW”.
The nerd had bought me a DVD player. A teeny tiny black one with a remote that will also operate the television and, more importantly, actually plays DVD’s. Once it was all hooked up and powered on, I put in the DVD (without having to hold the thing that takes the DVD open!), it immediately registered and started to play (without turning the machine on and off on and off on and off!). Such joy. This is quality-of-life altering.
“Now you don’t have to watch the same movie over and over again in a loop!”
Which I’ll take as a subtle hint that maybe I should retire Last of the Mohicans for awhile. Done.