Nunchuck skills…

Well, it was traumatic while it lasted, but I’m back on the dole, looking for a new job.

Last night I received the following email from an SVP at my former office:

“I am really bummed not seeing your face as I walk down the hall. Thanks for the chance to know you – albeit too briefly – and I hope our paths cross again. Please keep in touch and I hope to see you in more hospitable surroundings sometime.”

(“Hospitable surroundings”… I admire cagey diplomacy above almost every other social skill.) I look forward to being in more hospitable surroundings and had an interview on Monday for an admin role disguised in fancy dress under a project management title. It actually sounds fun, mostly because it’s in the financial department and I love nerds.

The interview was with the CFO of this global corporation. “He appreciates professional dress,” advised my recruiter, as do I, I liked the guy already, “and don’t be intimidated if he doesn’t crack a smile. You know how those finance guys are.”

They’re as susceptible as the rest of them.

Having been to the complex once before, I knew to ignore TomTom’s lies concerning unnecessary detours and actually arrived on time in spite of a stop to print out four wrinkle-free copies of my resume at kinko’s. I also looked amazing, having painstakingly removed every follicle of dog hair from my suit and wearing an incredible pair of shoes reserved for such occasions. I was in the process of admiring these shoes when I noticed that my left stocking had sprung a leak and was taking on water, fast. By the time I walked from the parking lot into the building, the rip had spread halfway up my calf. Some people pay extra for that look. I prefer to radiate some semblance of class.

Fortunately, I was ushered into a conference room by someone else and permitted to hide behind the desk when the CFO entered. With a quiet calm that bespoke of human emotion deeply buried, he gave me his perspective on the duties of the job, asked me some pertinent questions and meandered through my resume a bit before coming to rest on my University experience.

“English major, huh. What were you going to do with that?”

This insinuates that I wasn’t doing exactly what I wanted to be doing with my degree. I’m not, of course, but he doesn’t know that.

“Write the next great American novel.”

And – o – how he laughed. Heaping insult upon insult.

He walked me out of the building afterwards and I let it all hang out. The too-familiar babble and invasive questions that nerds tend to wither under, the offensive ribbon of bare leg (thank GOD I shaved!) peeping out from the ripped stocking, the black coat lacquered in white dog hair draped over my arm…

So yeah. Probably not going to get that one.


3 thoughts on “Nunchuck skills…

  1. Zeldon says:

    I think there are a fair number of Nerds who wish they had the ability to write the next great American novel and secretly wish for another episode of Harry Potter. Though they may not appreciate the writing of it and certainly could never handle dialogue, they sure love to read them!

    I suspect that J.K. Rowling has earned more from one book than most Nerds will see over their entire lifetime.

    Writers rock!

  2. Grammapat says:

    LOL bigtime. So funny Jen. Maybe he only noticed the snazzy shoes and not the sock leak. He’d be a fool to pass you by!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Sounds like the SVP would be a good reference. They’re still stuck with your nutty ex-boss.

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